Masturbating while reading the details of a sexual harassment lawsuit.

Eating shitty fast food, then telling people you made a delicious salad.

Hoping the accident causing this horrible traffic justifies the wait.

Calling any neighborhood that isn't predominantly white "sketchy."

Being white, male and American. And being seen.

Eating an entire jar of Claussen's pickles by yourself, in one sitting, and then drinking some of the juice.

Waking up your boyfriend because you're horny.

Dropping your roommate's toothbrush in the toilet.

Reading / writing blogs while at work.

Getting stoned at 1:00 PM because you don't have anything better to do.

Leading you on.

Secretly liking Creed.

Not getting The Life Aquatic with Steve Zizzou at all.

Stealing Netflix movies and reporting them lost in the mail.

Being American.